he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
