i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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