Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
