If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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