So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
