there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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