No awkward lesbian experiences without me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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