my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
