Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My balls are so social today.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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