everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
