remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
