i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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