dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
