My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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