I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
