i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
