I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
