How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
