Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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