I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
