I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
