put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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