Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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