brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
