Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I look better un-naked...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
