He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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