Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
