My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
