You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
