i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
