With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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