the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
