One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Jerry, you need to find god
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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