you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
