Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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