Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
