Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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