Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
