Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
