im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
