Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
