i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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