dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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