You really coming over, don't trick.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
