Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
