i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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