R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
