you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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