the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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