somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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