Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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