We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
