Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
